Crippling the Heart
by Aerin
Summary: After the death of someone very close to him, Crutchy reflects on his time with her, and learns a little in the process. ~songfic~


evwell, I had a slight break in my writer's block… but it only lasted a few minutes and I had to get this one written before I lost it, so no updates on my other fic yet. anyhoo, I was in a 'mood' when I wrote this, so jus don't ask. it's a songfic, using the song 'Fire and Rain' by James Taylor. enjoy, and plz REVIEW!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Newsies, or Crutchy….::cries::  
  
  
  
Crippling The Heart  
  
  
  
Crutchy woke with a sick, churning feeling in his stomach. He didn't bother to open his eyes, it wouldn't matter. He didn't care to see anyone or anything right now.  
  
  
  
~Just yesterday morning, ~  
  
They let me know you were gone.  
  
Seems that the plans they made  
  
~Put an end to you. ~  
  
  
  
It didn't seem like it could possibly have been real. It was just a dream. God, please, it had to have been a dream… she couldn't be gone. Not so soon, not before he'd found the courage to tell her…  
  
  
  
~I seen fire and I seen rain, ~  
  
I seen sunny days that I thought would never end,  
  
I seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,  
  
~But I always thought that I'd see you again. ~  
  
  
  
Just yesterday he'd been on his way to the DC, like all the other days. But he hadn't been greeted by the usual, friendly "Heya gimp"s and "Mornin' Crutchy"s. Nobody was saying anything at all; they were looking away from him. He walked over to where some of his closer friends were standing.  
  
"Guys, what's da mattah?" A few of them looked up at him, almost in surprise. He was confused; what was going on? Jack was the first to speak to him.  
  
"I'se sorry, man… I guess ya ain't heard…" Jack swallowed deeply, and looked Crutchy straight in the eyes.  
  
"On her way home from da factory last night, Laddie got jumped by some drunks… she's dead…"  
  
He could remember feeling like he'd been hit by a train… he felt his mind numb.  
  
"What? No, dat jus ain't…. she can't…" He stumbled a bit, then dropped his crutch. His eyes seemed to glaze over as he sunk to the ground…  
  
  
  
~Won't you look down upon me Jesus, ~  
  
You gotta help me make a stand,  
  
Just gotta see me through another day.  
  
My heart is aching and mine time seems at hand,  
  
~I won't make it any other way. ~  
  
  
  
The next few hours were a blur. Someone had taken him back to the apartment he'd jus earned the money to rent, and stayed with him. He vaguely remembered asking what exactly had happened, but he'd been too deep in a daze to retain the answers… and now he was here. Lying in bed, he didn't even know if anyone was still in the room with him. God, he wanted so much for her to walk in and tell him it was all okay, that there'd been some mistake; he wanted anything but the truth. The truth that he could never see her smile again…  
  
  
  
~I seen fire and I seen rain, ~  
  
I seen sunny days that I thought would never end,  
  
I seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,  
  
~But I always thought that I'd see you again. ~  
  
  
  
As he lied there, alone and mourning, a tear streamed down his cheek. Dammit, he was such a coward. He'd waited, put off telling her about his feelings; he'd been such an idiot. He hadn't been able to bear the thought that she might reject him… but now, he could never know. She might have felt the same way, but all her secrets died with her…  
  
  
  
~Been walking my line through an easy time, ~  
  
My back turned towards the sun,  
  
But Lord knows, when the cold wind blows,  
  
~It'll turn my head around. ~  
  
  
  
He forced himself to open his eyes. It was still night, or early morning; the room was pitch-black. He walked to the apartment's single window and looked outside. By the light of the single street lamp, he could see a majority of the street. His eyes immediately fell on the corner a block down, the spot where he'd met her. She'd been plowing her way through the crowds in a rage, on her way to speak with the leader of the Manhattan newsies. Apparently one of his had crossed the border and harassed one of her friends; it wasn't particularly hard to ignite her temper. In her blind rage, she had bowled him over as she rounded that corner. They'd briefly exchanged names as she helped him gather his papers. It was hard to believe that it had only been a bit over 2 months since that day…  
  
  
  
~Well after hours of time on the line, ~  
  
Talking about things to come,  
  
All these sweet dreams and flying machines  
  
~Are in pieces on the ground. ~  
  
  
  
Sighing, he sank onto the floor. He had to get it together, he couldn't live like this. He knew he should let go, let her carry on to a better place… but he couldn't, not just yet. There were arrangements to be made, and he would not be the only one mourning the loss. After all, if the gimp couldn't hold himself together, how could anyone else begin to try? No, whether he liked it or not, he could not sit by and let everyone else pull his weight.  
  
  
  
~I seen fire and I seen rain, ~  
  
I seen sunny days that I thought would never end,  
  
I seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,  
  
~But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again… ~  
  
  
  
He lifted his head to the sky, and let all his tears fall freely.  
  
"I hope you know, I'll always love you." 


End file.
